WTF!! You got your claws in me again…but how did you do it?
I know how. If I’m honest, I can answer my own question. You got me because I was so unhappy with my life and, before I knew what hit me, you jumped in. You know how to make me feel better for awhile, then you consume my life. You take everything from me – my soul, my good life, my home, my friends, my family…you ruin any and everything in my life that is good. You fucking suck!!
You make me feel like life will be better with you, then you crush everything that matters to me. You make me sick. You make me depend on you to live, make me steal, lie, manipulate others, hurt my family and friends…and hurt myself. I thought I loved you; I thought you loved me…but this isn’t a healthy relationship.
You screwed up my whole world and made me need you no matter what. I would have done anything for you, and what did you ever do for me? Nothing but take, take, take!
I can’t believe I let you back in my life. What was I thinking?? Oh wait…I know, it’s because I’m so easy to take advantage of – and I’m so co-dependent. You love when I depend on you; It makes you happy.
I never want you again…never! Leave me alone! Stay away! I don’t need you anymore! I want my life back! You are never welcome in it again! Don’t look for me in the darkest part of my soul!
I might still love you and I might even like to have you one more time…but we both know where it will take us: down that long, agonizingly painful, excruciating road to death.
So please, for me, say goodbye to us and never look back. I know you’ll come back every once in a while to “see how I am doing.” And that’s okay because it’ll be a good reminder for me. In fact, your presence will be a good way for me to remember our lowest lows. I’ll remember how far down you brought me, and I’ll remember that’s where I never want to go again!
I will never forget what you did to my spirit and I’ll never forgive you for what you did to my life. I want no part of that pain again! I know that my life is going to be hard at times, and that’s okay. My existence with you was insanity and, you know what, I made it through that. If you ask me, real life should be a breeze without you there to bring me down, make me feel shame, guilt, and failure all the time.
You know what, heroin? I finally see that I deserve so much better than you. I don’t need you to numb me anymore! I want to feel everything – pain, happiness, love, laughter, sadness…I want it all!
So this is our goodbye, heroin. I will miss you sometimes, but I’m finally ready and now I know that my life has to be better without you in it!
Love Always and Goodbye,