I have been married almost twenty five years; the first fifteen were wonderful. I loved this man beyond anything else. The following ten years have been like something out of a horrible nightmare that I can’t wake up from.
I first remember my husband waking me up at three in the morning to show me a book about addiction. I have been a Registered Nurse for twenty years and thought to myself “what is he talking about?” That’s when he broke down and told me he was addicted to pain pills.
My whole world came undone. I thought I had this great marriage, three beautiful children, great jobs, and most importantly, I thought my marriage was strong in love and trust.
Since then, my husband has been in rehab four times – each time I believed there was hope he would wake up. Money started coming up missing, pieces of jewelry started disappearing, he was missing work…I could go on and on, but I think you can get the picture. Through it all, I still loved this man and wanted him to love me. I kept everything a secret because I was so embarrassed, or so I thought. Come to find out, we live in a small community and people started putting things together.
…my husband even started stealing my medications. He denied it so well that I actually thought I was losing my mind.
During this time, I learned that he has an addictive personality, going from drugs to alcohol or from gambling to smoking, etc. After his latest stint in rehab, my husband even started stealing my medications. He denied it so well that I actually thought I was losing my mind. He’s so good at making everyone else feel like it’s their fault everything went wrong.
Six weeks have passed and he is still lying to me. He works nights now and uses our middle daughter’s car; he blew his up and doesn’t have the money to get fixed. Today I saw the hurt in my daughter’s eyes when he lied to her yet again; she caught him red-handed smoking and driving her car – allegations that he fiercely denies.
This is a disease that affects everyone. It ruins relationships; it breaks trust; it kills the loved ones. I’ve cried so much that I can’t cry anymore. Until an addict hits that rock bottom – a point I thought he’d hit more than once – they chose the addiction over anything else.
I’m just so embarrassed and ashamed of where this life lead me. My three children are my everything; I should have ended the marriage a long time ago, but I believed things would get better and he would come back to me if I stayed. I wish the story had a different ending, but it’s not a fairy tale – it’ the life of living with an addict.