Addiction has impacted me in so many ways. I have witnessed dark sides of life that I would have never encountered any other way.
I started using meth over ten years ago, around the age of 16. I always swore I’d be the one to control the drug – I’d never let it control me – but I was wrong! I lost my job, my house, my family, relatives, my four beautiful children, and now my fiance.
I am at a place in my life I never dreamed I would be.
The worst part of all this has been losing my four children. I didn’t lose them to CPS; I willingly signed over guardianship to their aunts. I was too lost in the drugs to be a parent and I had also become homeless with my fiance.
My fiance was completely taken over by an addiction to meth, as well. He is now in jail facing 39 years because he chose to start stealing and committing burglaries to support our drug habit. I lost all of my reasons to live.
The changing moment for me was when my fiance and I were stopped on an interstate by two cop cars (we were with his dad) and, before I knew it, we were surrounded my seven police cars at gunpoint and ordered to put our hands out the windows. I watched them handcuff my best friend (my fiance) and take him away. I was detained shortly after him.
On the way to the police station, I was a mess! I remember looking out the window at the corn fields and thinking what a beautiful day it was. I cried out to God and asked Him to save me – and He did! I owe my life to God because, without Him, there is no doubt in my mind I would be sitting in jail alongside my fiance.
I wish I never would have allowed myself to continue down meth’s dark path. I wish I would have dug deep within myself and found the strength to walk away a long time ago. I wish I could have been a better partner to my fiance and not have encouraged us getting high together.
If I hadn’t done these things, my family would be together right now.
Today, I am clean and living with my parents again. My fiance is still in jail awaiting his court date; we are going to get married really soon. He’s my best friend and he made poor choices due to a meth addiction. He would have never done those things had he been sober!
Instead of dread and depression, I now wake up every morning to relief and a second chance at life! I’m excited to meet my goals each and every day.
I am also in the process of getting my beautiful children back. That in and of itself gives me a whole new outlook on life. God saved me and He is giving me back everything meth took from me! Instead of dread and depression, I now wake up every morning to relief and a second chance at life! I’m excited to meet my goals each and every day.
I am getting ready to start a new job and I couldn’t be more anxious! I can’t wait to make money and take care of my responsibilities THE RIGHT WAY! I believe that one day my life will be complete again and my family will be back together…and for that I can’t wait! I smile to myself and praise God every time I think of what that reunion will be like!
My fiance and I both want to help addicts who have been in our shoes. We know what it’s like because we have been there. If we can impact just one life, then we have made a huge difference! Until that day comes, I will continue in these baby steps of sobriety and will one day meet my goal!
One piece of advice is to remember you are not alone! I felt so alone – like I was hated – but in reality, that was the drugs making me think like that. You are a beautiful person and you are loved!
You are not the choices you make, nor are you weak. You are strong and you can overcome this battle! You will feel so much better once you’re clean…like a huge weight has been lifted off of your shoulders and within your soul once you choose to stop getting high!
Life sucks at times, but the beauty in it outweighs the darkness tenfold!