I don’t know how to begin sharing my story…but let me start by introducing myself. I’m a 28-year-old mother of one beautiful baby boy who is 8 months old.
Alcohol has been a part of my life for the past 10 years. At first, I didn’t realize I had a problem – and once I did, I felt like it was too late. I have been arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct a few times.
I think I might suffer from depression, but I have never gotten medical help for it. I use alcohol as a coping mechanism and I so desperately want to get rid of my problem.
The only time I have stayed sober for an extended time was over the 9 months I was pregnant. I thought about alcohol throughout the whole pregnancy and I couldn’t wait to start drinking again. As excited as I was about having my baby, it was the thoughts about finally being able to drink again that really kept me going.
I had my first drink in the hospital; my ex partner brought me champagne to celebrate. I was breastfeeding at the time, so I couldn’t have much. Truth be told, I only breastfed my baby for 3 months because I wanted to drink more often. I feel ashamed everyday, but somehow I just can’t put the bottle down.
I’m tipsy as I’m writing this.
Alcohol addiction has kept me separated from my family. We don’t live in the same city and I often avoid going to visit them due to my “problem.” I feel like I have lost my worth as a human being – and as a mother – due to alcohol.
I sometimes think about ending my life, but the thought of leaving my baby motherless is too much to bear. I want to seek professional help, but I’m afraid of doing so due to having child services involved. I’m a victim of domestic violence and child services are already assigned to my family. They believe I’m an “outstanding mother who is not dependent on alcohol.”
I have a lot of people fooled. My son is the happiest child I have ever come across and I want to keep him happy. I guess that’s why I’m writing this. I want to be able to lead a normal life, but I just can’t see that happening any time soon.
To be honest, I wished I would have waited to have my child until after I overcame my problem. He deserves my undivided attention. I don’t feel like I deserve him.
I’m a functioning alcoholic mother of a child under the age of one. My hope for the future is to be free of my addiction. I need to figure out a way to get help without alarming social services. The other day, my social worker said I could have a career in being a social worker because I understand children’s needs. If she only knew my reality.
I’m sharing my story to figure out how I can get help. Do I drop the facade and come clean to everyone in my life about my problems…or do I just keep this to myself and get help professionally?
I want to be free. Alcohol has kept me captive for far too long.