Reclaiming the Feminine in Recovery
Men and women share a lot of the same needs and desires, yet we are fundamentally different. This means that each sex has to consider its unique needs and desires in recovery. And while many of these desires overlap, it can be helpful to consider your unique needs as a woman in recovery. Generally speaking, women are more sensitive, intuitive, and naturally nurturing. And they are also highly collaborative. This sheds light on how important it is for women to have other women they can connect to during recovery.
It was not long ago that our very survival rested upon the success of being one among many. By working together, women supported one another in bringing new life into the world, raising children, and tending to the sustenance that kept communities rich. Without them, there was no tribe. Community was not only how we survived as women, but also how we thrived.
Current Culture Demands
Although our current culture often demands women to be more linear, goal-focused, and unaffected by the energy around them, this is not what makes us special.
We can have goals and achieve them just like men, yet how we run energy through our body is different. In other words, we may get to our goals in a different way. We may use our keen emotional self to guide us, rather than relying so heavily on the intellect. We can use our head in service to our heart.
Women crave deeper support, more intimacy, less competition, and a safe place to be fully seen. This holds true in recovery, as well. No matter what your path in life, women need each other. It’s how we survived in the past, and our DNA is still wired to come together so we can rise together.
In order to effectively do this, we must be at peace with our own femininity. We cannot hold space for anyone past the place that we have been able to hold space for ourselves. In other words, if you reject your own sensitive nature, you are going to reject it in other women. However, if you can see it as an asset, then you can appreciate it in others. You can be there for someone else without being in judgement. You can encourage your sister to dive into her sensitivity, rather than giving her ideas for how to “cope” with it. This is a paradigm shift, and women, simply put, it’s time.
We are not weak because we feel deeply. We are courageous. We are not unattractive because we have fat. We are incredible creators of life. We are not “too emotional” because we express ourselves. We have an important message that is worthy of being honored. Women, each of us, have to decide what we believe about our own selves before we can ever expect anyone else to really see us. Together, this can be done. This is how we rise.
The Birthing of Women
Just like the wise women of the past, women of today need one another to make it through the birthing process. We are birthing ourselves – and it is no easy task. We need to have our tears wiped, our screams witnessed, and our strength drawn forth. And if you are in recovery, you need a tribe even more, for your re-birth is happening now.
As a woman who has gone through a significant portion of her life disconnected from her feminine nature, I have experienced first-hand the repercussions. For me, it created issues with my body, health, mind, work, and relationships. I tried to make up for the lack of power I was able to see in my feminine essence by pushing, striving, disconnecting, and living from the neck up. Everything was about achieving and presenting a façade of having it together. Ironically, the more I let that go, the more “together” I became.
Losing and Reclaiming Our Feminine Nature
Discussing energy and femininity can be a rather esoteric concept. So let’s create some clarity by highlighting what it looks like to lose touch with and reclaiming our feminine nature.
Losing touch with your feminine nature looks like:
- Not listening to your body
- Pushing yourself too hard
- Becoming too rigid
- Demanding rather than listening
- Being identified with the mind
- Letting others influence us instead of using our intuition
- Physical ailments, disease, addiction, and eating disorders
- Putting goals and success above integrity and love
- Buying into the wounded masculine’s paradigms
*Note: The wounded masculine dominates, controls, manipulates, and degrades. This comes across in the objectification of women, unethical media and marketing, and war. The healthy masculine raises women up, celebrates his brother’s, and strives for harmony and a better world for all.
Recovering the Feminine Looks Like:
- Redefining beauty for yourself
- Making decisions from your intuition
- Using your voice to speak your truth with compassion for the highest good of all concerned
- Knowing your worthiness
- Enjoying pleasure
- Creativity and expression
- Allowing your body to guide you to its perfect weight and what foods best serve it.
- Strong and fluid. The absence of rigidity.
- Listening to your heart
One of the most important lessons I had to learn was that being a woman is a gift. It is also a force to be reckoned with, so long as I can recognize that as a truth myself. So, although much of the world has not caught up with this yet, I can still hold this truth. And so can you.
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