3rd time I've relapsed... 2 days sober. I'm so numb and depressed I don't know what to do. There is nobody in my life and I really don't see any reason to live... I'm on an endless cycle of relapse and recovery and I'm miserable either way.
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  • Hello and welcome! Recovery is a journey, not a destination. Please don't beat up or give up on yourself. Loneliness is part of the mnemonic HALT that I use to remember how to take care of myself. HALT means Hungry, Anxious, Lonely, Tired. When any of these three is present, I know that I need to stop and take care of myself in that way. If three or four are all going on, I probably need to take a longer time to resettle myself and restore balance in living. Some ways to deal with the loneliness are a) call a friend and just talk about whatever, b) make a meeting (AA usually has hourly meetings around the clock, lookup the number and call for help with locations near you or locate an online meeting), c) visit a friend in person and hangout a bit somewhere clean and safe or d) visit an HOA, forum or chat room like this one. These options always help me feel better somehow. I hope it helps. Let us know how you're doing. 
  • Hey there @beauty2bseen,
    Listening in to your situation I can almost remember how I felt about 3 years ago. Man all the drugs and alcohol had gotten to me so hard that I had lost track of who I was.. At times I thought that death was the best answer to.. but I was so wrong! Something made me keep fighting to breathe another day.

    For me, getting sober was a hell of a bumpy ride. I took many many relapses before I finally felt like I only had one more option if I want to survive: Sobriety. And I think it's that way for many people. Just going your first 2 days sober is progress, your walking the right path.

    I think that you have pretty much completed the first (and maybe the most important) step to recovery. You have admitted your problems, not only to yourself but also to us. Find someone who can help you in your troubles, what worked best for me was other people who had walked a similar path through life. Try going to any 12-step program and find some of the sponsors afterwards, they will most likely gladly help you out.

    Sorry for the long post, your state brought me back to a part of my life I'm so glad I could escape.

  • Hey! Don't feel so bad about yourself. When my girlfriend was struggling with her sobriety, I always tried to make her look on the bright side. You may have relapsed, and right now you may be feelin depressed and sad, but just remember that you have now been sober for 2 days! And that is something to be proud of. Sobriety isn't easy, but the fact that you are sober again is a clear sign that you are on the right path. Stay strong and never ever give up on yourself.
  • Threads like this are why I simply love this forum, missed you all very much!

    @beauty2Bseen I hope this message finds you well, in the new life of spring all things are possible. Sending you lots of positivity, love and light, please check in when you can!
  • Hi I'm 11 days sober and the loneliness has set in . Had a real craving today but fought it . That was really hard but I feel good for doing so . Keep trying is all you can do xx
  • I know how you feel!!! But it does get easier and better. I just completed my 9th rehab on Monday and I'm in a sober house and today is 30 days sober and that's insane for me!!!!! But it does get better and easier
  • @beauty2Bseen hello and welcome. we are glad you are here. we are here for you...you are not alone and we care. take some time to read around this forum...great people and great advice. 
    you are a valuable person..i know if feels so dark right now, but that pain will subside more and more if you just keep trying. don't ever give up...just keep trying no matter how many relapses.....in fact, oftentimes relapse is part of recovery....it's like i've heard before; you don't just learn to ride a bike first time on it...you may fall a few times before getting the hang of it..you LEARN how to ride a bike...well, you're learning how to "recover" from alcoholism...which is a disease of the brain....so you're not crazy...you have a disease. and there is help available. are you willing to attend AA? maybe get a sponsor? rehab? counseling? people want to help!!!

    if you ever feel suicidal...call the national suicide prevention hotline..they will help you out:  800-273-8255

    sending you big big love...





  • You are so courageous!!! I have yet to find your strength and I encourage you to keep fighting!!
  • Hi there!  Don't worry, I've been there at the bottom of the vicious cycle of recovery and let me tell you it does get better.   While you are struggling it's always hard and dark, but once you get past that I promise it gets easier.  I know you think you have nothing to live for right now, but it's your depression talking, please don't give up.  You are loved and cared for, you just need a clear mind and get rid of all those dark clouds smothering your mind.  You will once you kick this addiction in the butt. 
  • @beauty2Bseen... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing with us. I'm sorry you're struggling, but please don't view your relapses as failures. They are merely bumps in the road to recovery, and they do not define you. The way you react to the relapses is what defines you.

    It would be easy to give up and forget about recovery. But the easy way out of a situation is hardly ever the best way out. So why not pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and get right back on the right track.

    Sobriety is a learned behavior. It takes practice. When you make a mistake, learn from it. And try not to make the same mistake again. If you mix willingness and hope enough times, long-term sobriety can and does happen. By coming here and sharing with us, you've shown that you want to get better. And we are here to help and support you any way we can.

    I made up this little saying that I'd like to share with you:

    If you slip up, don't give up; instead get up, and keep trying.

    I'm sending you positive, sober vibes, my friend. And virtual hugs, too. You CAN do this. I know you can. And we will help.
  • Hi there (: The fact that you've decided to reach out to this community is a testament to your desire to live and change your life around.

    I've been in the same situation as you. Let me tell a story. Not too long ago, I fell into a deep depression and tried to run away from everything I knew. My life fell apart, I couldn't do anything that I enjoyed anymore, and ending my life was my best bet for contentment. I went on an online forum like you and was desperate for a solution to my miserable life. I fell into an addiction, a hole so deep, that I couldn't see the light of day. It felt like nobody cared for me at the time, and unfortunately I still believe that now.

    If you believe in a higher being like God, then you will know that someone is there to unconditionally love you no matter your mistakes or faults. If you don't, then you'll know that your greatest ally is yourself.

    When seeking for this solution to my problems online, I found answers that I simply weren't content with. What was asked of me was too much, I just couldn't take those answers and apply them. Although I found one answer that keeps me going even now. To this day, I still can't find this life-changing post that helped me, I really wanted to thank whoever posted it. It went something like this, "I say this to everyone who suffers from addiction and depression. Beating yourself up will destroy you on a mental and emotional level. Forget about others and their perception of you, they don't know your struggle, they just don't understand. Make every small win a big win in your life. Every day you go without succumbing to your addiction, count it as a win in your head. Now that's the mental solution I have for you. The physical solution? Take cold showers every day."

    These two things propelled me into a better life. But guess what? I never stopped my addiction. I am still working on it. Work up all of that courage you've mustered up in a day and take a cold shower on the coldest setting. The problem with my depression was that I thought I was a worthless, weak wimp. Cold showers are your closest ally, they pump you up when your feeling down and make you feel strong. But even without cold showers, you ARE NOT worthless or weak like you think you are.

    And you know what? If you relapse and you feel like utter shit, take a cold shower. My suggestion isn't going to stop your addiction but it will surely help you cope with it as well as propel yourself to  be stronger. All the luck to you. And of course, we love you here (:
  • Don't be too hard on yourself, relapse is part of recovery for some people. Being in addiction is hard & unbearable at times. You need to be proud of yourself foe even the tiniest of achievements. It has to be hard to have a positive mindset when you are in the middle of fighting with depression as well. You CAN do this & will do this.

    You are never alone, there is a whole community of people here that have gone through the same thing you are going through now, keep your head up, if you ever need someone to talk to, we are all here for you.
  • I know how you feel. I just relapsed. I hurt also. There is hope for us though. We will make it. We will make it. We will make it.
  • @Adler2073... You will make it. We will make it. If you fall, pick yourself up again. And never give up. Never ever.
  • Thank you Dean. I really appreciate your support and look forward to your feedback.
  • Hello @beauty2Bseen! Thanks for being here. Let me just tell you that you're doing great. I'm not just saying this to convince you but some people haven't even got around beyond 2 days. But you did, which goes to show that if you just push a little further, you'll really attain full sobriety. Take it slowly but surely and don't be too hard on yourself. Don't count the slip-ups. They're normal. The less you pay attention to them the more you'll achieve your goal. Immerse yourself in a worthwhile activity while you're at it too. Best regards!
  • @beauty2Bseen... How are you doing? It's been a few days since we've heard from you. Just want you to know that you're in our thoughts and prayers, and that we're here to help and support you.
  • @beauty2Bseen... We'd love to get an update from you if you care to give us one. We're here to help and support you. Anytime.
  • Hi @beauty2Bseen, how are you? Sending hugs your way! You've got friends here if you want to talk to someone.
  • Hello 2beauty2Bseen. It's been almost a month since your post. How have you been doing? I hope everything's fine at your end. 

    Sending you postive vibes. :D
  • I hope everything will turnout best for you. The tone of your first post was really disturbing but it takes courage to come out with your emotions and feelings about life and everything. I haven't been in that state but I was very close and I found love to keep me alive. If you can try to find somebody to love and to love you back. Bring back the reason to be alive.
  • Hey there @beauty2bseen! I hope you're still with us and doing better. Please check in and let us know how you're getting on. Regardless how you are, we're here for you. Whether you're having a good day, bad day or in between, hit us up. That's what we're here for. I look forward to hearing back from you. :-)
  • Hello, I appreciate  your honesty and awareness. The first step is for me the harder one. Because you are not used to live 
    like that, is normal that you feel miserable right now. That's the alcoholism trying with all means to make you relapse again. You desire to change, so there is hope.

    The best you can do right now is find another paliative. Water, snacks, cycling, socializing. etc Something has to work. Don't let loneliness drag you again to alcoholism. There is a lot of people in this forum  willing to help you within their reach of course.

    So keep it up 
  • Don't feel too bad about stumbling and relapsing. We are all prone to making mistakes especially with correcting habits that have taken years to evolve and develop. Just realize that it won't take a few days to correct a behavior that has been brewing for a long time. As long as you don't give up then you will always have a chance to correct it. As for feeling lost, know that your state of mind is not at its clearest right now probably, so don't make any rash decisions at least until you are seeing things with a bit more clarity and by then you will more be able to see or at least find some substance in life.
  • Relapse is not the end and the fact that you're still trying, no matter how hard it is and how many times you "fell", is really brave. It's not easy to give up drinking and yet you're doing it; this is the first step. I hope you're doing better now, as it's been a while since you posted your message.
  • @beauty2Bseen... Thinking of you today and hoping you are well. Please check in with us if you have a spare moment. We care about you, my friend.
  • God bless your poor soul. No matter what your situation is, we're always here for you. We're here to help and encourage you. It's a struggle, but the end of the struggle will be so rewarding.

    People don't know how good it feels to be sober.. waking up without having a want or need for anything. Going through the day just being your normal self and feeling great in the process.

    This could be you.. this WILL be you. We're always here for you. Hell.. I'm always here for you. Inbox me anytime. I'm here to listen and help you.
  • @good... I'm super proud of you for getting to 11 days. And for fighting off the craving. That's awesome. You're making great progress. Just keep going! :)
  • Hi @beauty2Bseen and welcome to the forum. You must remember that relapsing doesn't mean that you've failed your recovery. Think of a relapse as a small bump in the road, it can hinder your progress or slow it down but regardless, you can still get over it. Don't let your relapse take the best of you. You can still continue into your recovery as long as you have the willpower and courage to do so. Don't lose hope because sometimes, hope is the only thing we have.

    We're here for you, that's the truth. And even if you feel like there's no one in your life that can help you, there usually is. You just need to look around and find that support, from groups or loved ones. Otherwise, you have us, and we'll be glad to support you each time you need help. Don't ever think you're alone because we won't let that happen.

    You can beat this, I know it. Just be strong and don't ever lose that hope. Take care and keep us posted on your progress. 
  • @beatuy2Bseen hey there! how are you doing? just thinking of you and checking in....let us know how you are if you get a chance!

    sending big hug your way!
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