Can’t post, not so new and still a bit lost

Writing post it times up and box appears and won’t go away. Tried three times to no avail and lost what I had written.. Try again later when less stressed.
  • 29 Commentsby Likes|Date
  • @WonderingOne i'm sorry you're having a tough time posting. are you posting from phone? tablet? computer? if you have to, maybe write what you want in a document and then copy and paste it here.... not ideal, but that way you won't lose what you have..
  • Give us some more details about this, @WonderingOne. Mainly, the device you're trying to post on. If the problem persists, I'll forward it to the powers-that-be. Sorry for the hassle. Hope your stress isn't being caused by this!
  • I am writing on my phone. Just weird why it’s doing what it’s doing. I’ve written on it before and it gets wonky! Last few days at work were stressful and trying to post I just had to step away from it awhile.. I’ll try to write it on my note pad and copy and paste, see if it works. Weird how I couldn’t get responses either. Who knows?!?
  • Hello everyone, still around, still looking to find myself. Lately I’ve been a bit out of sorts. My adhd, well my head has been kicking my ass. I know I overthink stuff all the time and worry more than I should/need too. I stress a lot as of late, gee I wonder why!? Sorry for the sarcasm but I have everyone telling me to be happy, be grateful, smile, enjoy the day etc. My wife wants my mind fixed like yesterday and it doesn’t work that way or that quick. Hell I don’t even know if my mind can be fixed. If that’s the case I’ve already lost, my wife has set the bar so high and if I can’t reach it she’s done! She wants me to fix myself and I don’t even know where to start or what to do. It’s hard to be “happy” with so much negativity around, here and stress at work. I think and feel I’m doing good and working on getting my trust back and in one comment all is lost.
    I know everyone says work on myself first but it’s hard to work on myself when the threat of losing everything is at the forefront of my mind! Get the feeling of if I loose why should I bother. I’m always on a roller coaster of emotions, my a fib has kicked up along with had a reaction to side effects of the meds I was on for it.
    My mind is so upside down right now that I am truly lost. I feel as though I’m only existing and not living at all.
  • @WanderingOne
    Hey W1 nice to see you still posting and thanks for updating us all. I know how you feel man, early days are tough, you have every right to be slightly annoyed. But lets be straight here, you have made this mess man, you must clean it, and you must clean it with or without your wife. Personally I think you should be thanking your lucky stars that she is even entertaining you in the first place never mind setting a high bar for you to overcome.
    I must ask you W1, how much do you really want this? Do you want to change and live a life beyonds your wildest dreams or do you want to sink to the depths of despair where your worst fears become your everyday life like living on your own with no one but your guilt and shame as your friends?
    List man, im not having a pop at you okay, I just think you need to start realising the gravity of your actions, the effect your actions have had on your immediate family, and now, how the effects of your actions are affecting you in your life.

    I mentioned before im sure when I said you have to turn it upside down, to make this whole sorry saga work to benifit you my friend and i sincerly mean that. It took me id say about 2 years in myself to know that id finally got my Mrs back. 2 years of hard solid graft on myself man and not a single drink. Like yourself ofcourse I was back home in the heart of the family but I had many bridges to build, and the one back to herself, who without none of this would have been possible was an amazing feat of construction and architecture I can assure you right here and right now.

    Regards W1, im thiking of you man.
  • I understand where you’re coming from, I know I made this mess, like I say I’ve been trying to do what I, think I know what to do and it seems to always back fire on me. I don’t exactly know what to do “yet” to change myself. I think what gets me most is the fact she and I both know is I need to change, for her it isn’t happening quick enough and for me I don’t know what to do to make the changes needed. I’m hoping therapy will give me the tools needed.
    Most days my head feels like a foggy mushy swamp, can’t think or focus. Today it felt like a fire burning inside. I know I have adhd and have had a couple head injuries. I’m not sure if either effect or has created what I feel these days?

    You asked @AlwaysAlex about how much I want this, I want me to be more normal and not have the issues I do, I want my family, I want my wife to be in my life. I’m hoping that when she starts therapy things will mellow out in her mind as she begins to get answers and the help she needs. She feels she has ptsd from the years of raising our daughter and being with her more. If that’s the case her getting help may change her a bit too.
    Right now I know she’s bitter towards me and I get why. If we could start to get along and try to put things, not so say behind us but if we can start to focus on the future it may help. I know she won’t forget, I’m just hoping she’ll forgive!
  • Alex gave you some great advice there. I think you need to get past certain things so your commited to getting better. The one thing that annoyed me about the sex addict I dated was that he admitted all of these issues, he said he wanted a certain life and didn’t want to cheat etc... but words are cheap and trust takes a long time to build. He wasn’t invested the way he needed to be, he used his problems as a scapegoat or excuse for not giving 110% In healing himself and being a man who was ready to commit. Not saying this is you, I’m just purely giving an example of someone who did not choose wisely. The only way that trust will be built is with hard work on your part, accepting your issues and faults and getting the help you need to provide a good man to your wife and daughter. Only when that happens and your truly invested in the long journey recovery takes you will you be able to gain their trust back.
  • Hello @WonderingOne
    I just feel inspired to respond to something you said a few posts back... Your mind does not need to be fixed... neither you nor your mind are broken. You are perfect... the things you are experiencing aren't due to something broken with you... the afflictions you are experiencing are unfortunate and I can't imagine how it must be for you... You are amazing and perfect exactly how you are. The others gave great advice and insight so I just simply wanted to pop in and let you know that there is nothing wrong with you... just some things to overcome... and you can overcome them!

    Shared with care and only wanting to send you positivity and I hope my response doesn't come off in any other way.

    Sending you love and light. :heart:
  • @WonderingOne... I'm sorry you've been struggling. And I can relate to the worrying you speak of. I used to worry my ass off, pretty much 24/7/365. But I worked hard on it with my therapist, and finally learned that worrying doesn't actually DO anything...except make you miserable. So try to remember that. You can worry until the cows come home, but it ain't gonna do a damn thing.

    I can relate to the a-fib, too. I was diagnosed with a-fib when I was 36, and I know how tough it can be to deal with. I also know that worry and stress are NOT good for a-fib. So you need to do everything you can to try and calm your mind a bit. Your health and well-being depend on it.

    You've gotten some great advice from others. Just try to keep going in the right direction, my friend. We all love and care about you. And we have faith in you, too. Please have faith in yourself.
  • @WonderingOne hey there. at your core, i agree you are amazing. we all are. bright sparks of energy, spirit, consciousness -whatever you want to call it. but yeah, as we grew up we created this persona...a psyche was formed... and we became well who we think we are.... (but we're really not. ha)

    the mind. it's part of the human journey to tame that sucker. i find that the buddhists are on it when it comes to calming that rat running on the wheel... the constant thoughts bashing....thrashing... all simple thoughts... so, to learn how to become an observer of them rather then believe them... ah, that meditation stuff really has merit!! :)

    i'm kind of playing, but kinda not. i sat in a women's circle last night, all very successful, intelligent, and spiritual women...and every one shared how their darn thoughts trip them up, STILL!!! and they do practice tips and tricks to tame it, but it gets triggered.

    find your path to inner peace. there are like thousands of paths... your task is to practice yours... find it, practice it, and watch... it'll help. your stuck in ego/fear/wounds..... it does take time to get out. you're right... but embrace things like discipline, practice, consistency, faith, hope.... and you'll progress.

    ah, the hero's journey. we are all on it.

    that's my take today.

    sending big healing love your way.
  • I know I need to worry less, my dad always told me to let the stress roll off like water on a ducks back and not to worry about anything until it’s something you need to worry about! I have said those over and over to myself and I have thought about a lot of what is going on in my corner of the world. I know my wife wants me to be a ton better than I am and have been and the issue I have is I’m not sure I can be the perfect husband that she expects, Hell im who I am and if I change to be something I’m not I won’t feel right. There are days now and I mean a lot of them that I don’t know who I am now. I think that brings on a lot of stress, Top it off with all the day to day stress and other stuff and it gets the blood pressure up..
    I do want to give it my all and work on what needs to be changed with my thoughts and behaviors as well as actions.
    Thank you @DeanD @Vicbrenan and @blueorchid for the positivity and ideas offered. I know right now my therapist is asking about my past and I’m wanting to start working on bettering myself and anxious to do so. It’s just stressful as she wants me to change like yesterday and I haven’t even started on the work that needs to be started. Feel like a dog chasing its tail somedays!
    Good note! Had a fun time watching my daughter ski tonight! She is getting quicker on the down hill and getting on and off the lift by herself now!! Awesome stuff!
  • How was your weekend, @WonderingOne? Just checking in. Hope things are okay in your world today.
  • Just wondering how you're doing, @WonderingOne. If you have a chance, drop by and give us an update. Thinking of you, my friend.
  • @WonderingOne hope you’re doing well!!
  • @WonderingOne thinking about you!! hope you're doing alright... and i hope you can post!!
  • Hello @DeanD and @dominica, busy lately, therapy last night, recovery meeting night before, overtime, and just being dead tired! Working Saturday now too. Therapist is still gathering info and asking questions, I have a hard time remembering some facts and time lines, my memory isn’t what it once was. Lately my mind has been mush, stress and being tired all the time I’m sure don’t help matters... All in all doing good though! Hope you’re all doing well too...
  • Glad to hear you're doing good, @WonderingOne. Sounds like you're working hard on yourself, and that's a terrific thing. As far as your memory issues...you are not alone. Man, my memory is fading fast. I imagine it will only get worse, too. Getting old can be a challenge!

    Happy Friday to you! Have a great day and weekend! Keep practicing self-care. It's sooo important!
  • Had to work today, raining here. My wife has been in good spirits lately. She started her therapy this past week. I also started taking new meds for my a fib and haven’t had anymore ill feelings in the chest, a little pain today but nothing I haven’t felt before.
    My therapist has moved me to being seen every two weeks now..
  • Happy Monday, @WonderingOne! I'm really happy to hear that your a-fib isn't bothering you. I hope the new meds keep you symptom-free. My a-fib was controlled by meds for 20+ years. Then they decided to stop working. That was about 3 years ago, and I had a catheter ablation done. No symptoms since then. And I'm not on anything but a daily baby aspirin. Please keep taking good care of yourself. You deserve it!

    Hope you have a wonderful week!
  • @WonderingOne great that your wife is in good spirit! and that you're on some good medication that is helping. i know that makes you feel better.... no one wants to worry about their heart :)

    hope your therapy time is going well.... :)

    and, i hope this week is a good week for you.
  • @WonderingOne... Have you had any issues with posting to the forum lately? Just curious. Let us know. Happy Tuesday!
  • @WonderingOne thinking of you today! sending positive vibes!
  • Doing good here so far. Working a lot of overtime and been busy with stuff after work. Getting my permit to drive truck tomorrow.. Working Saturday too... Therapy has been going good, out to two weeks now and still collecting info. My a fib has been doing ok, no hiccups lately but having some tightness in the chest over the last couple days..
  • Nice to hear things are going good, @WonderingOne. Sounds like you've been busy, but that's not a bad thing. Keep doing therapy and taking good care of your health. It will all pay off in the end.

    Happy Friday! Have a wonderful weekend!
  • Gotta work overtime tomorrow.. 8 hours and out a 1:30pm. Had a couple flutters today but hardly noticeable. Doctor appointment on Monday to follow up on meds for that. Then there will be another test to check something else, forget what they said it was.. Recovery meeting and therapy on Tuesday this week..
  • Glad you're keeping a close watch on your a-fib, @WonderingOne. Hope your long day at work today is uneventful. Keep working on you!
  • @WonderingOne Sounds like a good week planned. You're taking care of you...and that's great. I hope you have a blessed week and I speak peace, health, harmony, and joy to your heart :)
  • Happy Monday, @WonderingOne. Keep taking things a day at a time and have a great week!
  • @WonderingOne i think about your username...

    you are wondering on a better path now...and that's great!!

    i hope you're doing alright. always know we are here to listen and support you however we can.
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