Lost in my own prison

My mind is my biggest enemy ...it haunts me and paraylises my growth. ..I am a severe co dependent and a alcohol dependent ...my girlfriend is cheating on me constantly via sexting and virtual affairs. .I have unlucky for me discovered this via us bieng connected to Google drive..I see images and texts that are stomach churning ..it's been going on for four years...and I have seriously lost my boundaries of I have been manipulated to belive it's my fault ...when I think of leaving there is a fear that overwhelms.I have two girls aged 4 and 9..and live in france ..I'm a Irish guy and would go back home if I made the leave....I can't make a decision and know this chasing a cheater for love is killing me ...
  • 10 Commentsby Likes|Date
  • @Notmyfault hello and welcome. thanks for sharing. i see you have some insight into your dependency... that's a start in the right direction... i'm sure it's horrible to feel you have to stay in such a toxic relationship....and to think somehow it's your fault...

    or that you aren't worthy to have a healthy relationship.
    or that you will die if you leave...that fear of abandonment and pathological loneliness can feel as if you're dying.

    i've been there. not dealing with a cheater, but the fears...the feeling like i'm not good enough or deserve better. the feeling like it's my fault. the feeling like if i leave and i'm single, that i will die..at least emotionally and mentally.

    thus starts a new journey for you... a journey to start digging to the root of some of these issues. if you can afford a counselor, i say go for a while. let a professional start to help you unpeel these layers...these wounds...these fears..

    if you can't afford one, start reading books and watching videos on the topic of codependency... teach yourself. go inside... and walk a path toward healing, recovery, etc. for me, i started a journey within...prayer, meditation, reading, and reaching out for help.

    so many good things online.

    the alcohol dependency is a great place to start. will be challenging to deal with the relationship or toxicity if you're swimming in drink... so, maybe find your path to recovery there. AA? Counselor? Rehab? something...

    i believe you can become stronger...but it will take mucho effort..and time.

    we are here. take time to read around... we can encourage you..but you must navigate your path and find what works for you.

    just don't give up.

    if you fall, get back up, even if it's 100 times! just keep moving forward inch by inch.

    i believe in you.
  • @Notmyfault... Welcome to the community, my friend. I think your user name says it all. You cannot control the actions of another human being, so don't allow yourself to become overwhelmed with guilt.

    You have received some wonderful advice from @dominica. Listen to what she says. And know that we are here to help and support you however we can. We ALL believe in you.

    I suggest you pick up a copy of Melody Beattie's book Codependent No More and give it a read. That would be a great starting point.

    Sending you love, light, and hope.
  • Guys thanks for your time and input ...Dominic wow ..such kind solid words ..God bless
  • @DeanD thanks! and you are good people too! <3

    @Notmyfault how are you doing today? hope you will keep in touch here... we are here for you!
  • Hi guys thanks for your support. .dom I have started on my alcohol issues by taking action ..I'm seeking a addiction programme in England
    .I have started reading some great books on learning to love myself related to my codependency. ..it's a real eye opener. .walked for ever yesterday clearing my mind and have decided to stop.giving my partner my power ..I have made a decision to leave her
  • @Notmyfault i'm so glad to hear of your progress! good for you for doing this for yourself! little by little, you will begin to see changes in yourself, mind, body, and spirit!!

    thank you for sharing this with us!! keep it up!
  • @Notmyfault the codependent no more is great, It has helped me a lot. It is great that you have taken a stand to regain control of your life. I wish you luck and will be thinking of you and your girls.
  • Thank you guys.here with my girls ....and have done loads today ..I want to go on some great seminars in England about weLloyd being any suggestions welcome thanks guys ..much love x
  • @Notmyfault... I'm so happy that you're taking action on your own issues. That's such a wonderful thing! YOUR life matters, too!!!! Do what you have to for YOUR life to be better!!! <3
Sign In or Register to comment.