On the mend...

Hello people!! Happy New Year. I am feeling much better today. I was down with the flu for 3 days. Chills and the whole bit. I am finally back up to speed.
I had the longest and worst few days for me in quite awhile. I was down and disgusted with myself. After gambling away Christmas. Caught the flu. And was very sad for days. Post Christmas blues added with misery is not pretty.
I went to church yesterday. Plus I have 8 solid days of not one single gamble. I am feeling so much better today. I have not felt so down in a long time. Maybe it took that to realize that gambling is not for me. It sucks big ole fat rotten smelly ostrich eggs!! That is for sure. So for today. I will NOT gamble. I figure if I can make 8 days. Surely I can make one more.
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  • Glad to hear you're feeling better, @Tommy. And I'm super proud of you for your 8 days!!! That's terrific, my friend!! And yes: If you've gone 8 days, you can surely go 1 more! So here's to today being Day 9!!!

    Sending you tons of hope and encouragement! And lots of love, too!
  • @Tommy Hey Tommy. thank you for the update . sorry that you were down with the flu. whoa that is nasty stuff and I'm glad you're feeling better. and 8 days with no gambling is for sure a wonderful thing! that's a wonderful way to start this New Year Tommy! kicking gambling's but the whole way!

    yes one day at a time gamble free! you've learned your lessons.... and now you're on the freedom train.... sock that money away...and tell the gambling gods to go to hell. :)
  • @tommy,

    Great news on the 8 days! It sucks to be broken down like that mentally and physically with the gambling guilt and the flu, but there is opportunity there. I am sure some Devil Dog can explain it better, but I have heard that the concept of what they do at US Marine Corps training at Paris Island is to break a human being down, and rebuilt them into what the USMC needs them to be. Maybe with you being broken down like this, it gives you an opportunity tto rebuild yourself into what YOU need to be.

    One never knows when that spark will happen that makes everything click, and allow them to finally see the addiction, and the monster, for what it is and move beyond it all.

    Keep the faith!
  • I would like to thank you guys for the support. @dominica @deand @Leaker and @TWSJ
    I have made it to 10 days. Not one single gamble. I was not aware of the physical withdrawal that I felt. And are still dealing with. To wake up one day and realize all my money, and Christmas was gone. Was quite a shock. I would like to say I am better. But I am not really sure how I feel. Still pretty shitty actually. However, I watched The atlanta intervention last night. And have a good case of gratitude today. That helps. All I know to do is to go 24 hours without giving in to gambling. And just hope it changes soon. 10 days is a long time to feel so shitty. Plus I had 2 appointments with therapist. Talked about some deep scars. Now she is out of town for 3 weeks. And I feel somewhat raw around the edges. If you guys will support and love on me, until I get better, I would be so grateful. Thanks to all. And big hugs to everyone.
  • @Tommy... You have my support and love, always. Until you get better and beyond. I'm so proud of you for getting to 10 days. I hope you're proud of yourself, too. Keep taking things one day at a time. And know that we are here for you.

    Big hugs right back at ya, my friend! <3
  • @tommy, do you really need to ask us to love on you? Well, for starters, that sounds kinda creepy, but also, supporting and encouraging is what we do best here. We're better at that than tiggers are at bouncing.

    Did any of that get a smile out of you?

    10 days is great. You are also hurting, mentally and physically, but that can be a good thing. I only burned myself on the stove once (well, maybe a few times), but because it hurt so bad, I wasn't too keen to do it again. The pain from this latest episode might be just the ticket to buttress your walls when the monster comes back.

    Good on you for going to the therapist too. Maybe the gambling is a symptom, and maybe the doc can help get to the disease and treat it. It's bad timing that they are out of town, but maybe this will give you some time to think about what you discussed and be ready to really dig in when they get back.

    I know you are tired. You've been tired for months. You've fought all kinds of addictions, and yet you keep fighting. That's fantastic. THAT is an inspiration, even more than someone like me that says I'm recovered and the cravings are gone. You keep fighting. You won't give up. You are the person someone who is struggling can look to for inspiration. "If Tommy fights, then I fight". Andrew Jackson is quoted as saying, "I was born for the storm, and a calm does not suit me". While the calm might suit you just fine Tommy, you are also surviving one hell of a storm.

    Keep the faith.
  • Great post, @Leaker. So happy you're a part of our community. :)
  • Yes #Leaker That brought a grin to my face. I am slowly starting to feel better. I agree totally that gambling is but an escape. I would like to learn what the underlying cause is. And purge it out. Thanks for the uplifting post. I needed that.
    I am up to 11 days. Not one single gamble. And I am proud of that. Thanks to the group for such support.
  • @Tommy Hey Tommy. Congrats on 11 days and I'm so proud of you for going to your therapy appointments. I do believe that therapy is going to help you this year, to really start digging deep to get to those roots.

    I'd like to say from experience that the first few sessions of therapy are simply getting to know each other and perhaps establishing Trust. We really don't start getting to the Deep layers of the onion until later on down the road in therapy because it hurts and it's not always comfortable to look at what's underneath or feel the pain that is festering underneath that may have caused us to pick up the drink or drug in the first place.

    But you're doing it! for the next few weeks, you can certainly rely on us for some encouragement and support. keep recovery fresh on your mind and keep telling yourself that you've made the final break from that gambling. no more. No effing more!

    on the bright side, you can look at it from the perspective that you're not giving up anything of value, but you're gaining a lot of things that are valuable, including Peace of Mind, respect and money that you could be using to pay bills and put in savings .

    So grateful for you Tommy. always here if you need.
  • 11 days, @Tommy! ELEVEN! :smiley:
    You know, I always enjoy reading what @Leaker shares on here, be it for a newbie, to me, or to one of "us" on the Freedom Train. Again, he had said some good things to you here. I can tell you guys have listened to each other before today! :wink:
    My prayer is that you survive the "raw" and rough edges you speak of. It's a tight rope and razor wire walk that often pushes us into the dark side, at least for me, anyway. Hang in there and keep the faith you have spoken of here, before. I pray you get to spend MORE time with the therapist or counselor. Like @dominica said, the more time you spend the more real it gets!
    Love and hugs to you my friend!

    7 1/2 months clean of the dirty, stinking, rotten, ostrich eggs, pain pills! <3
  • Hello all my dear and lovely people. Thanks so much for the support. @dominica @deand @Leaker nad @Goodtr8s It is nice to have people believing in me. I have made 12 days. Not one single gamble. I am slowly starting to feel much better. That was a brutal 2 weeks. I am glad to be part of this group. I read some of the other posts, and become grateful. My wife always says, "It could be worse!! It could be raining frozen frogs!!" And I am really a blessed and lucky man. I have had my share of trials. And hope to learn from them. I have absolutely no interest in going back. If I can do 12 days. Then surely I can make one more.
    Big shout out to @Goodtr8s 7 and a half months without pills. That my child is awesome. Chin up folks. Hand to the plow. Today we shall rock this place out. Big hugs to all.
  • You are very welcome, @Tommy! So happy to hear that you're starting to feel better, my friend! And I love your wife's philosophy, too! Happy Day 12!!!!!

  • @Goodtr8s... Happy 7.5 months!!! That is completely and totally BADASS!!!! :smile:
  • Happy 12 days @tommy, well earned indeed! Glad you are starting to feel better too. But, I will say to remember how bad you've felt over the past few weeks. Move on and get better from it, but remember it. It will serve you well with motivation and conviction if your hand waivers from the plow.

    With you feeling better, you will be better able to tackle your inner demons with the help of the therapist too. You can approach them with a clear and open mind, something that is required for the deep soul searching required to get to the root cause of whatever your issue is. It took a month of sobriety before I was really able to start thinking and accept what I was and how I had fallen so far, That led to my realization that my arrogance and apathy were the drivers for my alcoholism, and the changes I needed to make to ensure I never fell so far again.
  • Thanks @deand I love the picture!! And @Leaker That is a great idea, to always remember where I came from. I been sober many years. And still vividly remember the misery of alcoholism. I would not go back to that for all the tea in China!! And I will use these two week as a reminder of the fall. I am looking forward to therapy. I would love to find out why I been running and hiding from life since I was a kid.
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