New here please help me

I identify as an alcoholic because the side effects of drinking has probably put my job in jeopardy...

I have been working very hard at this job and it is my
Dream to have this as my
End goal career. Recently I got drunk and asked a random girl on social media if she wanted to have sex, with no intention of actually engaging in that activity. I think I did it as a thrill seeking type thing but I don’t know. The kicker is that this girl is friends with a few of my
Co workers and it has already started spreading around my workplace. I am very scared and want to quit drinking. On top of this I have generalized anxiety disorder which makes things even worse (irrational negative thinking, etc.)

Side note, I have a girlfriend who I love entirely and I told her what I had done. She didn’t get angry but was obviously sad as she quickly
Got off the phone.

So basically I’m feeling pretty down....
  • 17 Commentsby Likes|Date
  • @Dgrptr, hello and welcome. You are in good company here, and there are tons of resources to help you on your journey off the Dark Path of alcoholism. Congratulations on taking that hard look at yourself and admitting the tough truth that you need to change some things in your life. While you may "identify" as an alcoholic, with work, you can be sure that it will not define you. There are lots of methods to help with that. AA and SMART are popular around here; I'll also plug The Easy Way to Stop Drinking, which is was put me on the correct path to stopping my alcoholism. Take a look around here and see what makes sense. Give it a lot of thought and effort. If it doesn't work, try something else, or multiple options. Recovery is a nonlinear sort of thing.

    As of right now, as tough as it will be to do, I''d say to try not to worry too much about the other issues, real or imagined, but focus on doing what you need to do to fix the root problem, which right now appears to be the alcohol. As your recovery progresses, you might find another root cause, but for now, regardless of the other stressors, getting off the Dark Path is probably the key first step.
  • @Dgrptr hello and welcome. i agree with Leaker that there are some great reads here in the forum... start educating yourself some about alcohol...and if you must, get into some sort of recovery path.. i will add the book "this naked mind" is good too...

    in time, gossip at work will stop... one drunken episode won't harm you forever... repeated ones... that's the problem... so pick your head up, apologize...(if you hadn't)...and move on optimistic.  drinking never really serves a good purpose... good to look at that fact now..and decide to walk sober and free...

  • @Dgrptr... Welcome to the community, my friend. I'm glad you found us and reached out. As you are well aware, alcohol can make us do things that we probably wouldn't normally do; and those things can come back to haunt us.

    @Leaker and @dominica have already given you some words of wisdom. Pay attention to what they've told you and focus on taking steps to improve yourself. You can definitely find recovery is you commit to it and are willing to work hard at it. And we can help and support you on that journey.

    I'm sending you positive energy and lots of encouragement. Take some steps toward sobriety and see how it feels. I think it will feel good.
  • Yeah, if I had a dollar for every time I humiliated myself while drunk OR sober, I wouldn't need to worry about office gossip, because I'd never need to work again!
  • I started tearing up a little reading your comments. Even just knowing that there’s other people who are willing to take the time to respond to me makes me feel at more ease. Thank you. I’ve been cutting down 2 beers a day and tonight will be 4 for
    Me. Then tomorrow night 2 and the next none. I am really
    Afraid of withdrawal symptoms like seizures and as a healthcare provider I have seen first hand what this looks like. That’s why I chose to taper down from 8 beers a night. Does anyone recommend any hobbies to help pass the time and keep the mind occupied ?
  • @dgrptr,

    Fear is a powerful tool that the monster of addiction uses to control someone. It is all too easy, and anything can be used by the monster, to create just enough fear to get someone to use again. A little bead of sweat? Maybe it's hot, maybe it is something wrong. Better drink. A heart skipping a beat? Maybe nothing. Maybe palpitations. Better drink. A little tingling? Ect. Just giving you a nuggets on it. What helped me a lot was also knowing that I wasn't alone, and what I was going through, what I was thinking, and what I was using as false rationalization were not unique. It felt like I got a sneak peek behind a curtain I wasn't supposed to.

    As for activities, if one searches these forums for "Leaker", or "fatness", one will quickly find my suggestions for foodie trips, and treating one's self and their loved ones to something nice like a good meal or a trip. There are also the standard things of reading a book one always wanted to, learning a language, visiting some site, reconnecting with lost friends, heck, writing a book, video games, running, whatever. There are tons of things to do, especially with all the time one won't be spending drinking or recovering from drinking. I'd say a really good thing to do is to find some physical activity to get the synergy of feeling better from sobriety, and looking better due to the fitness. I'd like to say I did that with my marathon running, but I had way too successful of a Waistline Expansion Program in 2015, so I can't really say I'm looking better than when I was skinny as a rail from drinking induced malnutrition.

    The key is to find things one truly enjoys. It might be something one never thought of. Someone might find that things they think they like now, they actually find insufferable, it's just that they enable one's drinking. Classics are "baseball is boring unless you are drunk" "Ugh, this show makes no sense sober", or "I can't bowl over 100 until I have a pitcher of beer in me". If someone truly enjoys something, they will not be replacing alcohol with it, but will be moving beyond drinking and into a sober lifestyle that includes that activity.

    Clear as mud, right?

    Keep the faith!
  • A lot of people say shame isn’t enough to bring on change? If not it makes me afraid that I could go back. I guess it’s to each their own .
  • @Dgrptr that's great you're cutting down... tips on what to do... keep yourself motivated... for me, i watched motivational youtube videos often... they kept me in check and motivated me!!

    see the "you" that doesn't drink anymore.  remember the "you" before you picked up a drink.... that person is still there....and didn't need a drink to live..or have fun... you are that person!!

    shame can be a motivator to stop doing something.... so glad you are getting this under wraps now... :)
  • Shame can be a motivator. So can the three great teaching tools of Fear, Sarcasm, and Ridicule. But, one has to be ready listen when faced with any of those. If one is not at their tolerance for shame, then no matter what happens, it won't be a motivator. Or, one can be at their tolerance, but fear keeps them from understanding that another way is possible. I was at that point once. Over and over again drinking until I was a buffoon. It was many many years, and almost too late, before I realized that it WAS possible to live without drinking. And wow, did I ever start living after that realization (and, of course, a lot of work). No amount of shame could motivate me until I was ready to listen.

    Good idea on the motivational videos. As well as remembering that YOU made the decision to stop. Anything that says otherwise isn't your rational self, it is the monster trying to get you cede control of your life over to the addiction.
  • @Dgrptr... Congrats on the progress you're making. Tapering down is good way to go about it. As far as the possible withdrawal symptoms, as a healthcare provider you know to seek medical attention if anything is overwhelming.

    We're all behind you 100 percent, my friend. Check in here often and let us know how you're doing, okay?
  • Thanks guys . Last night was 4 beers only and I slept 10 hours. I’m feeling less cloudy today. Tonight is two beers and tomorrow is none.
  • How are you doing today, @Dgrptr? Let us know when you get a chance.
  • @Dgrptr that's good about the 4 beers and the good sleep!!  hope you are having a good day today!
  • Last night was two beers today was 0. I’ve been sleeping sooo much. At least 12 hours a night. Haven’t heard from my gf in a few days so I’m feeling really sad because I love her so much . She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
  • @Dgrptr... Congrats on getting down to 0 beers. That's fabulous. It's good that you're sleeping a lot, too. I think that's your body re-energizing itself and learning to live without the alcohol. 

    As far as your girlfriend goes, try not to think about her so much. I know it's not easy, but you should take this time to focus on YOU. You are making wonderful changes to your life and you deserve to be "all in" while you're doing it.

    We're here for you. Always remember that. 
  • @Dgrptr congratulations on getting down to no beer. As a gf of an addict, I would suggest reaching out to her; profusely apologizing and letting her know you've taken steps to get sober. My bf dropped a bombshell on me that I didn't take well. I needed space and he gave it to me. We've recently made a plan to stay in a path of open and honest conversations. good luck
  • @Dgrptr... How are you doing today? If you get a chance, check in with us. We care about you, my friend. :)
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