I’m an Alcoholic Mother

At first, I didn't realize I had a problem - and once I did, I felt like it was too late.

I don’t know how to begin sharing my story…but let me start by introducing myself. I’m a 28-year-old mother of one beautiful baby boy who is 8 months old.

Alcohol has been a part of my life for the past 10 years. At first, I didn’t realize I had a problem – and once I did, I felt like it was too late. I have been arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct a few times.

Getting Honest

I think I might suffer from depression, but I have never gotten medical help for it. I use alcohol as a coping mechanism and I so desperately want to get rid of my problem.

The only time I have stayed sober for an extended time was over the 9 months I was pregnant. I thought about alcohol throughout the whole pregnancy and I couldn’t wait to start drinking again. As excited as I was about having my baby, it was the thoughts about finally being able to drink again that really kept me going.

I had my first drink in the hospital; my ex partner brought me champagne to celebrate. I was breastfeeding at the time, so I couldn’t have much. Truth be told, I only breastfed my baby for 3 months because I wanted to drink more often. I feel ashamed everyday, but somehow I just can’t put the bottle down.

I’m tipsy as I’m writing this.

The Impact of My Alcholism

Alcohol addiction has kept me separated from my family. We don’t live in the same city and I often avoid going to visit them due to my “problem.” I feel like I have lost my worth as a human being – and as a mother – due to alcohol.

I sometimes think about ending my life, but the thought of leaving my baby motherless is too much to bear.

I sometimes think about ending my life, but the thought of leaving my baby motherless is too much to bear. I want to seek professional help, but I’m afraid of doing so due to having child services involved. I’m a victim of domestic violence and child services are already assigned to my family. They believe I’m an “outstanding mother who is not dependent on alcohol.”

I have a lot of people fooled. My son is the happiest child I have ever come across and I want to keep him happy. I guess that’s why I’m writing this. I want to be able to lead a normal life, but I just can’t see that happening any time soon.

Hoping for a Better Future

To be honest, I wished I would have waited to have my child until after I overcame my problem. He deserves my undivided attention. I don’t feel like I deserve him.

I’m a functioning alcoholic mother of a child under the age of one. My hope for the future is to be free of my addiction. I need to figure out a way to get help without alarming social services. The other day, my social worker said I could have a career in being a social worker because I understand children’s needs. If she only knew my reality.

I’m sharing my story to figure out how I can get help. Do I drop the facade and come clean to everyone in my life about my problems…or do I just keep this to myself and get help professionally?

I want to be free. Alcohol has kept me captive for far too long.

Previous Story Next Story Tell Your Own Story
Main Stories Page

Your Story Matters
Sharing your story can bring hope and encouragement to others that may be struggling with similar issues.