Co-Dependency /Love addiction

So I know I posted as well before and have some more stuff on m mind.  I have gone through a lot!  I was suicidal back in Jan. and pretty much burnt myself out.  I had been going for so long with out proper rest and working two jobs and coping with Toxic work place as well as a unhealthy relationship I am currently in.   I have come to realization I depend on relationships to make me happy.  I am coping with this right now better than I have before but need to talk to my therapist about it too as well as my group sessions.    I do however know I am completely powerless over people that my life has become unmanageable.   I let people walk all over me abuse me just name it I let it happen.  I also feed off how others feel or what is going on.  I am addicted to per say love.   Love is a true drug and starting to realize it.  I have been 3 months back since my episode of recovery.  I cry almost every day at work now too because i feel unworthy here when I want to be happy that I am not working in such a stressful place anymore, this is a different type of stress of being bored and someone whos mind races isn't good for me.  I think about what too much.   i need something to keep my occupied or i will go crazy again. 
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  • @ejw1381  

    Hey there. It's good that you see your issues and are willing to admit it. Depending on other things for personal satisfaction or self worth is very common. You happen to gravitate toward people and sex . the journey toward healing and coming to a place where you base your worth on your own self love will take some time. But the good news is that you are on the journey. I was in the same place not too many years ago and I was miserable. I was addicted to a person as you know. It took quite a lot of inner work,  reading books,  seeing a counselor and doing all sorts of things to grow. I'm still on the journey and I always will be but I've learned so much about how to have a healthy relationship with myself and others.

    How's your step work coming? Are you taking a little bit of time each day to read ? To feed your soul? The inner Journey takes regular effort , even when you feel like s***. It's a commitment based on the commitment and not your feelings. My friend Tommy taught me that. 

    When you look in the mirror I want you to see a man that can feel good about himself  even if there was no sex or people in your life. Confident and secure in yourself and your creator. You'll get there as you navigate through those Old Wounds . Healing can come but it does take time . you're making progress my friend. And we're always here rooting for you
  • @ejw1381 hey there. let us know how your therapist appt. goes. glad you are going!  it's great you're willing to do something about your struggles. so oftentimes people remain in the dark about things and it can affect their entire life.  make the effort now and start digging to get to the root and learn some new ways...tips..tricks..techniques...and so on.  

    i think therapy ought to be mandatory at different ages in life :) and it should be free...and the therapists ought to be kick ass....  how about that??

    :)

    here if you need.
  • I believe everyone in this world could benefit from therapy, it is a mental problem for many of people and you are right some of them deny it or don't even want to try.  I have been in therapy for almost 16 years and continue to struggle.   I have finally found a therapist who knew what was wrong after meeting twice.  He is good,  this is where it has led me to different meetings and all different medication.    I still struggle day to day with my depression at times but I am at least getting through the days anymore.   I was so bad I couldn't even leave the house.    I never want to go back to that place again.    Last night session was good we focused on this whole co-dependency and giving my power over to a higher one spirituality along with letting things be the way they need to be or play out rather than creating this outcome which I have no control over.    It is hard freaking work and frustrating to know my brain has been wired this way for so long.  I am also trying to find a sponsor in CODA which seems to be hard to find since its mostly females and or someone hasn't worked all the steps.
  • Thanks for the support guys I really appreciate it.  As we already spoke Dominica I am currently attending Coda meetings on top therapist- group meetings and just whatever I can do to help me.
  • @ejw1381... I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time. And I'm sorry your job is bringing you down. Unfortunately, work oftentimes messes with our state of mind and causes us to be unhappy. Especially if you're a "people pleaser." I know, because I'm a people pleaser, too, and I had a lot of struggles at work because of it. It wasn't until I finally changed my attitude--which took a LONG time--that I started to feel better about my job and myself. I eventually convinced myself that other peoples' opinions about me didn't matter. I knew I was valuable to the company I worked for and that the work I did was important. And that's all that mattered to me. When I finally got to that place, I felt like a tremendous weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

    I've never actually worked the steps, so I will leave the advice on that to someone else. Just know that I'm keeping good thoughts for you and sending you lots of positive energy and hope.
  • @ejw1381

    I second that notion that work can make us feel tired. And just life in general sometimes. It's not always easy breezy happy-go-lucky. The majority of the time we can feel like that, but not all the time. We've come to experience it all. 

    I'm super glad that you're attending therapy and making some progress. It does take a while. And it's a life Journey so we're always going to learn lessons along the way. But it's good that you have people who can mirror your true Essence to you. a good soul!!

    Inner child work helped me a lot. i found that my victim mentality went back to me being a little girl who felt scared and went through things that shouldn't have happened...and that made me pissed off..that life didn't go as planned..and so i went back and talked to that little girl. apologized. life wasn't supposed to go that way...and she did not deserve that...and i promised to love her and care for her best as i can. she's not alone. i know that may sound odd, but it helped me. sometimes i have to remember her....the innocence of a child.  

    i also journaled about childhood. helped too.

    anyway, keep on the road of recovery!
  • Its funny you said that name as my therapist told me to watch the secret and other videos he has.   I will have to check into his videos along with watching the movie secret.   I struggle everyday with my own self worth and looking for others to fulfill this even my gf.   At times i expect this and yet she comes up short is it because no one not a a soul can fill the void I feel inside but my own-self.  I need to love myself before I can love anyone else.   I have vacation coming up and not sure what to do about it because my gf is suppose to come along with and now I am having 2nd thoughts and thinking I need to do this trip on my own and find me, myself and enjoy it.  I will break her heart but its something I need to figure out and need to ask my HP to help me out.  I think I am getting some of this stuff but its hard work to change. And of course I am impatient and want to be fixed now.   My self esteem is beat up everywhere and gets the best of me most days.  I take everything personal too.  Please help me God I am in need of help.    Thank you.
  • @ejw1381,

    I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time getting some sleep - it must be really exhausting for you,and it's not easy to continue with your everyday routine in such a situation!

    In most cases problems with sleep can arise for people who are hypersensitive ,have high expecttions of themselves and try to meet them,are hard on themselves for whatever reason ,constantly think things over and just can't seem to relax due to anxiety.

    Have you given it  a thought as to maybe  what thoughts ,things or situations make you tense,maybe try to find out the cycle that you put yourself in and then become anxious and can't sleep?When you are not able to sleep for a while ,you get depressed and frustrated with the situation and this  can further stress you out ,you can't seem to get out of this cycle.

    When I am feeling down, I listen to music or to guided meditations videos online (mostly Jason Stevenson whose videos are great,very relaxing,he has a very soft voice that is really soothing) but I have also seen a good deal of Lyanla's stuff which @dominica suggests to you) and @DeanD is very right about physical and breathing exercise for relaxation.Going for a walk can really clear your mind and be relaxing before going to sleep,just try to clear away the disturbing thoughts when you go to sleep!  Jason Stevenson says in some of his videos that in order to deal with disturbing thoughts we need to by remind ourselves this is not the time to have them in our mind,we can invite the thought when we are ready to have it and pay attention to it.So,this suggests WE are in control of our thoughts ,not the other way round.WE choose what to think about or not.I guess it takes practice to learn to do it but this has helped me a lot in dealing with stress and anxiety. 

    I know the feeling when you think that everybody else seem to be doing great,it's just me lagging behind and am not happy with what I have accomplished ,and have the feeling that I am being mistreated by the whole wide world and don't seem to be able to find anything meaningful in my life and I can go on and on with this list.Most of us have been at this point. Now I try to think in a different way-like,for exmple,not to compare myself to other people,to think that if they mistreat me it's not my fault it's more a reflection of who they are ,of their behaviour ,not that I deserve to be mistreated and ,you know what,this really helps me overcome the negativity about me that I sometimes relapse into thinking .I just want you to think about the fact that other people ,too have doubts,fears and insecurities and not to be too hard on yourself.Now I am of the opinion that if we want others to respect us ,we have to start respecting ourselves first and try to follow this rule! :)There is a book,I don't remember the author,unfortunately ,but the title is "The Respect Me Rules ".The title is attention -grabbing and I would surely like to read it.

    I'm sure there are a lot of positive things in your character,behaviour and stiuation,I try to find mine, just  concentrate on them and start from there!Sometimes I succeed in doing this,sometimes I don't but the important thing is to keep going!Hope this helps and I hope you can have a good night's sleep!Sleep is irreplaceable as the number one medicine ,right now you need a serious dose of it!


  • @ejw1381,

    I read your post about you having a hard time to understand the meaning of let go of control and try to control your own thoughts and action and behaviour.

    I can try to help you here a little bit see if it works for you.If you can look at it this way :if you are in  control of you ,have power over you ,then YOU actually ARE in control of others,too because you don't allow them to get at you,you control your reactions ,you know you are a worthy human being and by doing this you have your share in the outcome of a situation - you can choose if,when and how to react.

    So,in this way you are doing yourself a favour : not allowing to be seen as "a doormat" who tries to please others, cares about other people's opinion and feels depressed if you don't receive the outside validation.We,co-dependent people very often do everything  other people expect us to and not much what we want or need for ourselves.

    I know this cannot happen overnight ,it tales time .Try not to pay too much attention to  other people's opinion and behaviour and don't allow it to get at you.Their behaviour towards you defines THEM,not YOU!So, if they are rude to you and don't appreciate you  and you efforts or positive traits,it's their problem, it's a reflection of their rudeness and insensitivity,it's not your fault.We can 't accommodate everybody's expectations of us(though a lot of us try to as a part of this co-dependent stuff we have to deal with).

    Know that you are not the only one going through this,it helps me a lot

    You should know we are stronger than we think,we just need to find that strength and use it

    I believe in you ,you CAN do it ,just keep on trying

  • Good morning, the weekend was ok.  I saw the doctor on Saturday and they aren't going to make any changes.   I am going through withdrawal and have to cop with it till its over, thankfully yesterday was a bit better.  Now if I can only have quality sleep that would be great.  She told me to try melatonin so maybe Ill give it a shot.   Other than that depression a bit better and thankfully those negative thoughts have dissipated at the moment. 
  • @ejw1381 Hey there. I'm sorry that you are struggling with not being able to sleep and feeling feelings of depression. I've not had that problem of sleeplessness, but my partner has since she was young. I can definitely see it take a toll on her , so I really do feel for you. 

    She's really torn between having to take a sleep aid sometimes, because she knows that sleep aids can become addictive. She has found some help with guided meditations before sleep, and doing some meditation just as she falls asleep, focusing solely on her breath. 

    I do hope that you are feeling better soon. Thank you for sharing
  • @ejw1381 
    Lack of sleep can certainly take a toll on one's mental state. This could be the reason you are having suicidal thoughts, but I am not an expert on that. I encourage you to call the National Suicide Prevention lifeline . you can call anytime of the day or night and there are professionals there that will help you . you can certainly just process your emotions, and they can direct you to resources in your community that can be to your assistance. 

    Know that you're not alone and there is help available. Do whatever it takes to reach out for that help. I'm including the phone number and a link to the website so you can check it out.

    Have you gone back to see your doctor yet? That may be a good idea as well. As much as you might not want to take a sleep aid, your doctor may encourage you to do so so that your body can get the the rest it needs.  

    Thank you for sharing and please consider getting in touch with the professionals below

    https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/


    The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a national network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We're committed to improving crisis services and advancing suicide prevention by empowering individuals, advancing professional best practices, and building awareness.
  • @ejw1381

    Hey there. Thank you for sharing. I do understand the torture that you can go through when you're struggling with codependency. I struggled with it for years and ended up in a toxic relationship that really sucked the life right out of me. I get that it can be like a drug, And you can become so attached that you actually go through withdrawl symptoms when your object of attention is not reciprocating the way you want. 

    I'm glad to hear that you have a therapist and a support group. I didn't start to get better until I reached out for support and really worked the program. And I worked my butt off at home too  . 

    All I knew was that I wanted to deal with whatever root issues we were causing this and I wanted to feel happy for no reason. I did not want to depend on other people for my mood any longer. As crazy as you may feel, this pain that you're experiencing can be a springboard for a new journey for you. A journey that can ultimately help you heal the root issues, which may be the fear of abandonment or some sort of trauma that you went through, so that you can come to a place of self-love and worth. 

    And you'll be able to detach from those other people in a healthy way,   Not allowing their words or their actions to have an impact on you. Keep in mind this will take time honey. And it will take a great amount of effort honestly. It took me years to get out of that codependent relationship. What worked for me may not work for you. You have to carve your own path . 

    I can share what helped me, and I can't remember if I've already done this with you. But yes to therapy and a season of therapy. Not just a couple sessions but it may take a good year or so to really get to the root of these issues. Also reading books on the topic, I watched a ton of YouTube videos on the topic. That helped me a lot, especially with my mind racing. I began meditating and praying and crying out to God for help. I wasn't all big on God at the time, but I knew that I needed something greater to help me, so I asked anyone and everyone who is spiritual for help. 

    I just want to offer you hope that there is help available , And that you can learn new patterns of coping with life and dealing with people and healthier ways. That one day you will be able to look back and see why this happened, and how you can use your healing to help other people. 

    You are worthy honey. You are a good and somewhere along the way you forgotten that and you're looking at other people to find your value. But I promise you as you continue on your recovery journey, you will find yourself again. You will find your sense of love and worth. And we are here for you every step of the way. I hope you stick around and stay strong in your recovery efforts. Sending you big big love right now
  • @ejw1381... Dominica is right: You are worthy, my dear! Keep working on yourself and talk about these feelings with your therapist and in your group sessions. It will get better! And maybe keep looking for a job that might be a better fit for you. I believe there's always something better out there.

    We're here for you, my friend. So please feel free to lean on us whenever you feel like it. And remember: You are overflowing with worthiness!

    Sending you big hugs and lots of love, light, and positive energy. :)
  • Thank you for the support,   not to knock my support but the support i was getting from my out patient program wasn't enough apparently.  Although it has gotten me out of severe depression I now deal with it from time to time.  You are right, i seem to have lost myself in all this matter between work, relationships and all.  I know where the issue deeply are rooted from and working with my therapist on those to help me.  I am looking forward to seeing him tonight and maybe get some better insight of what to do and where to go lately.     As to my relationshipS beside the toxic ones at work my relationship with my girlfriend isn't the greatest per say.  She isn't a horrible person by any means just may not be right for me and these thoughts have gone on for months now.   Its hard when you care about somoene.  The guilt plays such a role.   I appreciate the support from you guys, I am also guessing since I am co-dependent that I've have the mental illness for Bi-Polar from it.
  • @ejw1381 hey there! so glad you are making progress with this therapist! that's great news!! and coda! it IS hard work! and sometimes it's a life long process... cuz still after all the hard work, my fear of abandonment or people pleasing or egg-shell walking can pop in at times... but not i recognize it sooner. but still, a work in progress.

    what are you seeking from a coda sponsor? someone to go over the steps with?  
  • oh wow, so it seems I will never truly heal it takes time and Just recognizing the signs.  I make some steps and all it just sad at times because I want it fixed and want it fixed now, but my therapist says I will use this the rest of my life especially steps 1 -3.

    I am looking in a sponsor so they can help me work and truly understand the steps.
  • @ejw1381... I'm a firm believer in "never say never." So don't write off truly healing just yet, okay? Keep working on yourself, because you deserve it. And it's great that you're looking for a sponsor. I think that will help.

    Sending you positive juju, my friend!
  • I can't seem to find a sponsor, does anyone have a suggestion or know of anyone who would be willing to become one.
  • @ejw1381  are you attending coda meetings? just wondering...

    what is it you are seeking in a sponsor? just to be clear
  • @ejw1381 so great to hear you are moving forward in recovery... there's no other option on the FREEDOM EXPRESS TRAIN.. :) you're on board with the rest of us :)  smile....
  • So other than being co-dependent I believe I am sex and love addict.  It seems they go hand in hand though.  I still feel like I am battling everyday with being happy.  I have my moments but still sad most of the time.   I just want the pain to go away. 
  • Today I am having a hard time with life again, my job really brings me down.  I am so tired of it and all the games that seem to be going on. It amazing that I feel unwanted here not worth much.  It is hard self talking myself into feeling I am worth more. This goes with my people pleasing ways.  

    As to step one in CODA I am also having a hard time comprehending the meaning I am powerless. I guess I want to have power or control over others and knowing I can't control anyone in this world only myself my actions and thoughts.  In working the steps its hard for me as well to read and understand the questions as this was always a issue in school.  Maybe you can give me a bit of some insight. 
  • Yes my job put me in a place I didn't want to be and was totally burnt out.  Now that I have recovered somewhat I went back to work and they didn't give me my old position back in order to keep me away from a toxic person.   As much as they think they were doing me a favor but removing me from that situation it messes with my self esteem.   Its hard after 16 years knowing this is how I am treated.  I also asked if I could bring my dog in since the owners son does all the time and as well as this toxic co-worker from time to time.  I was originally told yes then texted the next day that I am not allowed.   I may have a case of discrimination but I don't know.  I don't even want to have to go through that but since I feel hurt by the company i feel as I should follow through with something.  What are your thoughts?

    As to the steps its hard one I will do my best to keep plugging along.
  • @ejw1381

    I'm sorry to hear your struggles at work. By any chance do you see yourself being able to change jobs in the future? I know that might be a stretch for an hour but it's possible for many people.

    What step book are you working on? I think I use the adult alcoholics adult children of Alcoholics one. My babes regarding step one for me I had to come to the realization that my life was a manageable actually it was more my emotions became unmanageable but more than that I wanted to realize why was my life unmanageable. Why was I powerless over my life? I think for now maybe Focus unless I'm the power list thing and moron life becoming unmanageable. For you perhaps unmanageable with your emotions or actions . then it's beginning to learn the self-defeating behaviors and choices that you're making that are coming from coping mechanisms that you picked up in childhood. 

    For some people step one may simply be acknowledging the fact that you need to recover your self. For me I had to admit that I was playing the role of victim in pointing my fingers at other people for my plate. And the fact that I handled conflict as a child would. step one requires that you admit this function in your thinking or behavior. But your life has become unmanageable and that you are looking for help to get it back . 

    regarding the work situation with the dog this is just my personal opinion but I would simply let that go . if the answer was no, respect that answer and actually just detach from that. No finger pointing. No blaming. No victimhood. This keeps your power within your own space....not letting others have that power over you to rock your boat. That's just my opinion though.
  • I am attempting to let go of the dog situation but It just feels like I have been mistreated not just with the dog but elsewhere.   I am learning the art of letting go as well because it can't eat me up inside.

    The workbook I have is 12 steps to codependency. I also have the co dependent no more workbook as well.   I saw my therapist last night and we talked about step 1 and realizing that I need to turn my power over to GOD and trust in him in order for me to have serenity in my life.  I have to accept things the way they are all and this is the way GOD intended it to be.  Just let things happen.  I need attitude of gratitude.  I need to take responsibility for my actions too and not try to manipulate a answer I want or expect  to hear which can leads to resentment.  I hold these grudges which are toxicity for me and un healthy.   I also learned these unhealthy coping skill from my parents where I need to avoid or scream and hell when talking about things.   Rather than have the feeling talk about it in a way or discuss a problem in a matter that if it is a negative not to avoid but to just talk about it and not in a angry way. Breathe in the problem and reassess and talk about it.      This is the work- it just seems the work to do all this is exhausting

  • @ejw1381

    If you look at the whole picture, that can feel exhausting . It can look like a lot and it is a lot. But step by step you'll be able to do it. This is one reason there are 12 steps. To think about recovering fully with all the work that is entailed in a short amount of time just isn't going to happen. 

    You said you are mistreated in a lot of areas of your life. On a deeper level you could be attracting that scenario based on low self-worth and esteem. Based on feeling like a victim. I assure you that through your recovery Journey, you'll will be able to work on those issues. Taking full responsibility for your emotions and not pinning them on others or what they say or do. 

    One thing I really learned was that ultimately I am responsible for my emotions. Not my partner,  children, government, state of the world,  weather,  boss..... sometimes people say or do things that I don't care for. But I literally remind myself that I am not attached to that. I do not have to care about that. I point fingers at myself and not others. If I cannot change the situation, then I change my attitude or perspective about the situation. Oftentimes detaching from outcome. 

    Believing in a higher power power can be quite helpful. Left to ourselves, we usually end up in a mess. I've walked away from the faith for a while and went the spiritual route and that was helpful. I have recently discovered a new love for parts of the Bible ,but the message translation because I like a modern version much better. There's a lot of wisdom in the Bible,  but there's a lot of wisdom and other sacred texts as well. Find out what helps you. 

    I think the biggest thing for me was accepting that I can't always have my way. And half the time my way would lead me astray . would lead me right into toxicity. I took some time to learn about the victim mentality,  as well as shame. John Bradshaw videos helped me tremendously and I cried my eyes out in some of them but they really helped me to heal some old emotional wounds . And to get in touch with my inner child . I was living life letting my inner child, who was scared and feeling very alone,  Drive the wheel of my life. Our little wounded children have no reason to be driving our life. Perhaps working with your therapist doing some inner child healing work will help. 

    I'm so glad you're on this journey. We are here for you even if it's just to listen .
  • WOW, that says a lot there!!!  The therapist started to work on that inner child wounds but I was so mentally burnt out from like and no medication was working that I could even talk about it.   I was a hot mess and eventually took the turn for the worst.    I use the victim role too much and I know I need to change the mindset of this as well.   I am still trying to get a understanding of spirituality as well as a higher power.  I guess everyone is different and how that approach things.    I do however know I need to believe in something that will give me my sanity.   Because there are days I feel insane.  I have to also learn what you said and not get all my affirmations from the outside world but from within me the core of me is where this originates from.  My sefl-worth and self esteem I try to get get some others because a void I have within.  I need this to come from me and not others.  It is hard! Very hard work and change is hard!   My therapist has said Ive made some changes already and to be patient this doesn't change over night.   
  • @ejw1381... Your therapist is right: Change takes time. As much as we'd like it to happen overnight, it doesn't. But if you keep at it, it will come. And if your therapist says you've made some changes already, that's an excellent sign of progress. So keep doing what you're doing and know that things will get better. 

    Sending you tons of positive juju and best wishes for a wonderful weekend!
  • Change does take time and its hard!  Hard work , Im exhausted everyday, i want that bi polar manic back where I was on top of the world.   I have to accept the fact that I am bi-polar and a love addict and now cope with it.  Therapist says ive made changes its just hard to see them right now.  The weekend was alright but it seems once I get back to work , im back to feeling blah and un wanted. 

  • @ejw1381... I'm glad you made it through the weekend. I'm so proud of you for that! Also, not to make light of your comment, but I think work makes a lot of people feel blah and unwanted. I actually left a job I had for 24 years 3 years ago because I was just tired of the way it made me feel. I've only been doing freelance work for the last 3 years, and my income is waaaaaay less than it used to be. But I've found I'm still happier than I was when I was working full-time. Thank God I have a wife who works. I will eventually go back to work full-time, but I'm determined to hold out for a job I can feel passionate about.

    Even if you can't see them clearly, I'm happy your therapist sees positive changes in you. Keep working hard, my friend. You're moving in the right direction and things will keep getting better for you. I know they will.

    Love and light being sent your way.
  • So I made a mistake in my life and not sure how to get over it and move forward.   I have basically cheated on my gf. I met someone online dating site and been chatting with them.  I know this is wrong of me and I couldn't control myself from it. She found out and I feel horrible knowing what I did. I never acted in anyway physical but maybe emotional through e-mails.  I don't know how to move forward.  I cried so hard and wanted to hurt myself because I had hurt someone I care about.   I don't like who I am. 
  • @ejw1381 hey there. no judgments here. i'm sure you are hurting and i'm sure she is too. i hope you have learned from this experience. emotional cheating may be your attempt to sabotage... take it to your therapist.  work through this there... i'm not equipped to give solid advice here, but for me, i made a choice years ago to never cheat...emotionally or otherwise. because it hurts so many people, including myself. it's a choice...so draw a line in the sand and resolve to never do it again. don't give it an open door. be humbled..... and strive to be a good man who refuses to cheat. if you're not feeling it with your current, gf, deal with it rather than cheat. that's blunt, but that's how i feel.

    are you still seeing your therapist?
  • @ejw1381... We're all human beings and all human beings make mistakes from time to time. That's just the way it is. The important thing here is that you realize you made a mistake and you feel bad about it. I would, like @dominica suggested, use this as a learning experience and ask your girlfriend for forgiveness. And yes, talk to your therapist about it. But please know this one thing: No mistake is worth hurting yourself over. So maybe cut yourself a little slack. 

    We're here for you, my friend. 
  • So things are OK between her and I but I am still beating myself up as well at work.   I am sick of it that when I make a mistake I am the only one who gets in trouble for it, mean while I know of many mistakes made by others and big ones and nothing happens to them.   I can't take it anymore.  Work is no fun and its getting the best of me anymore.  16 years of abuse is enough.
  • @ejw1381... Glad to hear things are okay between you and her, but I'm sorry about what you're going through at your job. What about looking for another job? Is that an option? Maybe that would help give you a fresh start. Just a thought.

    Sending you positive energy, my friend. 
  • @ejw1381 hey there. i agree that change is in order. if you want different results, do something different. and change is challenging, but the results can be amazing. 

    i think of tony robbins for some reason for you...have you ever listened to him or read his books? quite a powerful man that can teach you many powerful lessons...and give you that boost in esteem you may need. he pulls no punches either.... feed your soul EACH DAY... over time, you'll notice a difference. 

    also, check out iyanla's videos. she has such insight... you will learn a lot about yourself watching her stuff..


  • @ejw1381... There's absolutely nothing wrong with going on vacation by yourself. Just explain the reasoning to your GF. You should always be the number one priority in your life. Never forget that.

    Sending you love and big hugs.
  • @ejw1381 hey there. yes, look into The Secret and other videos. Feeding yourself such good soul food regularly will certainly help!!!!  yes, self-love is the journey. this is the journey we are all on... at varying degrees, of course.  

    vacay solo is a great idea. i did that when i was in the midst of dating myself in between relationships. went on a retreat in nature..and it was good, but it was challenging too. no technology. no one to talk to. just me, God, and nature. i ended up feeling lonely at times, but it was worth doing it...and now, few years later... i can see how that was a key step for me.

    be open and honest with your gf. maybe offer to spend a day with her before you go. just you and her.... or something special with her before you go. may help.

    change occurs over time. you ARE changing, whether you realize it or not. sounds like you are determined, and that is great!
  • I did something solo few years ago with a back packing mountain bike trip.  It was awesome!   I guess I don't see changes I've made and continue to. It is hard to see them.

    I just want to be happy or happier per say.  I don't feel like I am.  I just go through the motions still.   I have some thinking to do.  I am not good with telling things either that are going to hurt someone because then my self esteem goes down knowing I hurt someone. 

    I do however notice I am stuck in this pattern of relationships and this is why they don't work. and its usually because of me , me looking for perfection which doesn't exist.  At least I know this but it gets me frustrated at times.

  • Update:   I am currently still seeing my therapist every week and attending face to face meetings as well as online meetings everyday.  I am still struggling with being happy. I am currently 2 days sober and working on other acting outs that keep me from being sober.  I am still battling every day with temptations and trying to work the steps and all.  Its hard understanding the process still.  I am working with my sponsor as I can admit I am powerless but now need to move on with finding the solution and all.  And healing

  • @ejw1381... Thanks for the update, my friend. And congratulations on your 2 days of sobriety. Take things a day at a time. Or even an hour or minute at a time if you have to. 

    I'm happy to hear that you're still seeing your therapist and attending meetings, both in-person and online. That's good stuff. Trust me when I tell you that the temptations will dissipate in time. 

    I know it's not easy, but your hard work will be rewarded. 

    Keep doing the next right thing. And know that we're here to help and support you.
  • Well I am 8 days sober, and wish it felt better than it feels.   Today I am battling depression.   I haven't been sleeping again and I am sure its feeding the depression.    Hopefully I can nap tonight before going to  my f2f meeting.
  • Congrats on 8 days, @ejw1381. You are making such great progress! 

    Are you on any prescription medication for your depression? Just curious. If you're not, you may want to look into trying something. And as far as not being able to sleep, maybe try doing some form of exercise shortly before bedtime. Or maybe try some melatonin or deep-breathing exercises. Those things really help me.
  • @ejw1381 Congrats on your sobriety. 8 days sober is 8 days you were in control. 

    I'm sorry that you're not sleeping. It seems to be a pretty common issue in the world today. Of course that can certainly lead to feeling depressed. I know when I'm lacking sleep, I have no energy, and no energy just makes me feel depressed. Sometimes I can't figure out why I feel so down, and then I'll remember that I didn't sleep well. 

    Different things work for people regarding sleep. Finding ways to calm your nervous system down and keep your thoughts to a bare minimum . not sure what you've tried.  Sometimes a certain medication can keep you up too. I do hope that you can get a nap in today and start sleeping better. 

    Thank you so much for the update! Sending you positive vibes!
  • I think I am going through withdrawl at the moment from a certain medication.  I have tried breathing and all aromatherapy just never been a good sleeper and my therapist said I am going to need a sleep aid with being on this new medication guess he is right.    it just sucks I cant' see the dr for another week.  i don' know if I can tolerate another week of all this.  I have lack of motivation and all its been this way for a long time.   not much joy in my life even with being grateful.  I feel lost even my relationship doesn't bring me much joy that I would like, it just seems like nothing will bring me joy. i know i need to love myself and something I am working on but this feeling of being just plain depressed is terrible feeling.
  • @ejw1381... Try the breathing exercise in the video below. It really helps me fall asleep quicker when I'm struggling.


  • @ejw1381... Just want you to know that I'm thinking about you today. I hope you had a good weekend. Let us know how you're doing when you get a chance.
  •  @ejw1381,

    I am glad you are doing better after the weekend  and hope things will be even brighter in a few more days :) 

    Take care

  • @ejw1381... Happy to hear you had an okay weekend. By all means, try the melatonin. It really helps my adult son, who struggles with depression.
  • So its been two nights of melatonin and seem to fall asleep but staying asleep is a different story. Going to try a few more nights of it.    Today I just struggle with being tired of course and seem to still be going through withdrawal sickness.  I hope it goes away soon. 
  • I gave up on the melatonin it seems to put me a sleep but not keep me asleep.   I am battling suicidal thoughts again the mind is racing.  I don't know what happen I was doing well for a while , could it be change of meds or just slipping back into old ways.  I don't know I am scared and don't want to end up where I was last time.     This disease this illness is a battle!
  • @ejw1381... I'm sorry you're struggling with sleep. Dominica is right: a lack of sleep can really wreak havoc on your mental state. Definitely go back to see your doctor. If melatonin isn't helping you, perhaps there is something else you can try. And please keep that phone number Dominica shared with you handy. Suicide is always a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you start to have those thoughts, please pick up your phone and dial that number. Your life is precious and the world needs you here.

    Sending you positive energy. Please check in with us and let us know how you're feeling today. We truly care.
  • I went back to to the Dr on Saturday and they didn't want to change anything or add anything.   I think I haven't slept in forever or at least quality sleep.   Ive been off this one medication and I don't sleep at all now.   My therapist said I was going to need a sleep aid, but my dr said I have to let the medications work.  Its been 3 weeks now since the change and I don't feel anything or changes.  It is frustrating..  im lost
  • So update, I went saw my therapist last night and he saw how emotional I am and unstable.  I just can't get my head straight.  I don't know whats going on but the mind won't stop racing and its exhausting me everyday.  He suggested I start a evening program so they can monitor my meds once a week. Plus therapy which I have been doing, I am bi polar so its not helping right now and i want this all to be well I can't take this feeling anymore.

  • @ejw1381... I'm sorry you're having these issues. My recommendation is to do everything your therapist recommends. If he thinks an evening program is a good idea, then give it a shot and see how it goes. I'm wondering if your therapist and your doctor could consult so that maybe they could work together to figure out the best plan for you. Do you think that could be an option?
  • Thanks,   Well I start tomorrow with another outpatient program and see where it goes with medication and therapy wise.    Prior to this my dr and therapist were working together.  it was one change of a med and things went south.   I am pretty sure I know and have known for a long time that I should not be in a relationship either but yet I continue to stay because its like a drug to me.  I am addicted to love.
  • @ejw1381... I hope the outpatient program you're starting tomorrow will help you. Sending you good thoughts and positive vibes. Let us know how things go, okay?
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